The Ashes: Australia vs England Battle of the Bands Part 2

The Ashes: Australia vs England Battle of the Bands Part 2
22 Nov, 2017 by Mike Lynch

The Ashes are about to get underway but we’ve decided to take it to another level with an Australia vs England music battle.

Last week we revealed the England XI which proved to be quite a formidable lineup.

We’ve received some great feedback from Barmy Army fans who reckon they’ll wipe the floor with Australia with their musical “depth”. Don’t get too confident yet England because we have a formidable lineup ready to wage war.

Now it is Australia’s turn. Do we have what it takes to match it with the biggest rock and rollers from the mother country?

Australia XI

1. ACDC

Firstly I’d like to pay tribute to the great Malcolm Young. It was really sad news this week with the news of his passing. Countless tributes have flowed for the legendary guitarist. Malcolm moved to Sydney from Scotland in 1963 when he was just 10 years old. He and his younger brother Angus cut their teeth on the powerful Aussie pub circuit alongside a bloke by the name Ronald Belford “Bon” Scott. A group of young blokes who went from humble beginnings to take over the world. A slashing and destructive start to the Aussie line-up.

2. Cold Chisel

Okay I admit the Aussies are getting plenty of help from Scotland here. But why the hell not? There’s nothing more Aussie than belting out ‘Khe Sanh’ at the top of your lungs at 2.30am in the morning.

Jimmy and the boys ensure the Aussie top order gets off to a rock solid start.

3. Men at Work

Okay okay Scotland we’ll pay you back later I promise! Proven performers on the international stage.


These lads can get the whole squad fired up in the sheds by belting out “Down Under” before the toss of the coin. Oh and there will be no shortage of Vegemite sandwiches during the lunch break.

4. Paul Kelly

The perfect number four. Cool, calm and collected with plenty of experience.

Also knows the MCG (and the Nylex Plastics sign) very well so is sure to be a big Boxing Day performer.

5. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Nick Cave is sure to be handy when it comes to dishing out a few creative zinger sledges in the slips.

Some experts will try to tell you this tune comes from John Milton’s epic poem “Paradise Lost.” But we reckon the Peaky Blinders theme is actually about Nick’s love of spending hours in the nets bowling right arm off-breaks.

Nick and the crew are sure to bamboozle and possibly frighten the Poms with his antics.

6. Silverchair

They can be a little bit hot and cold but when they are on they are really on!

We are hoping ‘the Chair’ can bring more of their ‘Frogstomp’ and ‘Freakshow’ form to this series that ‘Young Modern’.

7. Joe Dolce

Every good team has a wildcard at The Ashes, this is ours.

If the Poms start to get chirpy the Aussies will be unable to unleash their secret weapon big Joe who’ll give them a good dose of Shaddup You face! Joe also has some powerful friends like Samuel L Jackson, KRS One who the Aussies could use in a crisis.

8. Daddy Cool

Ross Wilson’s dance moves could be just the thing to get the Aussies over the line.

9. Kylie Minogue

You can’t have a cricket team without a ranga. The Poms have plenty of red-head power in the shape of Ed Sheeran so the Aussies are going to negate Ed’s impact by unleashing Kylie. We’re thinking Kylie will have the English batting lineup in a spin.

10. Powderfinger

We want to get off to a good start in the First Test at the Gabba. So who better than the kings of Brissie to make sure the series gets off on the right note? Also when Bernard used to have the beard and the long hair he could almost have passed as a DK Lillee lookalike.

11. Midnight Oil

With his height and lanky arms Peter Garrett looks every bit like a fast bowler.

He is sure to be able to get plenty of bounce with the new ball. But will the Oils’ Power and Passion be enough to get the Aussies over the line?

Twelfth man – Chris Franklin

Twelfth man is a crucial role. Who better to keep the refreshments nice and cold than the great man Chris Franklin. He could also sing the National Anthem after the toss of the coin.

Would also be more than useful when it comes to dishing out some welcoming banter for the English batsmen.

by Mike Lynch – contributor

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